“The wicked are crushed by every calamity, but the righteous find a strong hope in the time of death.” (Proverbs 14:32 TPT)
This week I attended a memorial service for a gentleman I’d never met. His widow is one of the delightful older ladies in our church and she spoke at the service. She introduced herself and explained that when they married 25 years ago, they brought to the marriage his four boys and spouses, her four girls and spouses, a number of grandkids, and two ex-wives. Yet, she described working to knit the family together in love. Judging by the children and grandchildren who also spoke at the service, that love had been abundant, but not without struggles. Her mini-sermon was profound and directly addressed the reality of the day.
This active engineer who loved to hunt, fish, and play (physical) games lived with Parkinson’s Disease for years. Last week the hurt, pain, tremors, depression, and struggle to even swallow finally pulled him to the point that he took his life. When his widow spoke she set before their children and grandchildren this verse:
“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20 NIV)
Different children and grandchildren were, evidently, struggling with their relationships with the deceased man, but his widow showed them the path of forgiveness – to choose life, to choose forgiveness, to choose love.
Mother Teresa said “If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.” This was a choice this family was facing. Although the deceased had been ill for some time, the family did not yet have closure in the abrupt ending of his life. The widow spoke aloud to her husband, “I forgive you.” These very strong words were a wonderful example of love for the deceased and for that family. Each member of that family will need to make their own choice to extend forgiveness, not to benefit the deceased, but to benefit and free themselves. Author Lewis B. Smedes says, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” And it’s true: when we release others through forgiving them, we free ourselves from anger, bitterness, and the choking hold of unforgiveness.
The Apostle Paul said, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 NIV) This invitation was preceded by the sharper words of Jesus: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV) When our emotional world is in upheaval it can be very difficult to do the active work of forgiving, even if we know that the forgiveness we extend is important to the forgiveness God extends to us. “Bearing with one another” is often complicated, messy, and difficult. Yet being imprisoned by unforgiveness is also miserable.
I expect that any of us have at least a small place in our life that needs Holy Spirit to help us extend forgiveness. And if there are major people in your life to forgive, that process can be very difficult, painful, and even draining. There are no simple fixes, just simple steps. Go to God. Name your place of unforgiveness. Ask for help in extending forgiveness. Then trust that he will give you what you need to do that work. It may take time. It definitely takes intentionality. Yet, “If the Son sets you free, you will be absolutely free.” (John 8:36 GW) Absolute freedom sounds good, doesn’t it? And when we have found freedom in forgiveness we are freed to love more fully.
God of Grace,
Thank you for the forgiveness you extend each of us because of what Jesus did for us at the cross. Thank you that through forgiveness we find freedom and can love more fully. Holy Spirit, tune our minds and hearts to see and hear as you do, and to forgive as we are forgiven. Even when we are in emotional turmoil, great grief, horrendous pain, or confusion, show us at least one step we can take toward forgiveness, freedom, and love. Give us courage to take that step toward your grace. We ask your help and your grace in these steps, Jesus. Amen.